Blondes are not stupid

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "So, we were the first on the Moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what! We're going to be first on the
Sun!"

The Russian and American looked at each other and shook
their heads.

"You can't land on the Sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!"
said the Russian.

The blonde replied, "We're not stupid! you know.
We're going at night!"

Any Last Words???

Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find
themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they
are each asked a question by St. Peter.

"When you are in your casket and friends and family are
mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say
about you?" asks St. Peter.

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I
was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a
wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge
difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say,
"Look! He's moving!"

P/S: again... from my aunt!!

Drink and No Worms

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade
class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced
an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of
whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor
while putting a worm into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in
water could be. He then put the second worm into the
whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then
quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the
professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and
wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you
won't get worms."

P/S: courtesy from my aunt

The Old Days...

Three old women were sitting side by side in
their retirement home, reminiscing.

The first one recalled shopping at the grocers,
and demonstrated with her hands the length and
thickness of a cucumber she could buy for 25 cents.

The second woman nodded, then demonstrated the
size of two big onions she could buy for a 20
cents a piece.

The third woman chimed in with: "I can't hear
a word you're saying, but I remember the guy
you're talking about"

P/S: here's another one from my aunt

What is the problem?

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped,
turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour
long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
engine," he explained. "It took us awhile to find
a new pilot."

P/S: this joke was from my aunt