Blondes are not stupid

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "So, we were the first on the Moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what! We're going to be first on the
Sun!"

The Russian and American looked at each other and shook
their heads.

"You can't land on the Sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!"
said the Russian.

The blonde replied, "We're not stupid! you know.
We're going at night!"

Any Last Words???

Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find
themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they
are each asked a question by St. Peter.

"When you are in your casket and friends and family are
mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say
about you?" asks St. Peter.

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I
was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a
wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge
difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say,
"Look! He's moving!"

P/S: again... from my aunt!!

Drink and No Worms

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade
class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced
an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of
whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor
while putting a worm into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in
water could be. He then put the second worm into the
whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then
quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the
professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and
wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you
won't get worms."

P/S: courtesy from my aunt

The Old Days...

Three old women were sitting side by side in
their retirement home, reminiscing.

The first one recalled shopping at the grocers,
and demonstrated with her hands the length and
thickness of a cucumber she could buy for 25 cents.

The second woman nodded, then demonstrated the
size of two big onions she could buy for a 20
cents a piece.

The third woman chimed in with: "I can't hear
a word you're saying, but I remember the guy
you're talking about"

P/S: here's another one from my aunt

What is the problem?

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped,
turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour
long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
engine," he explained. "It took us awhile to find
a new pilot."

P/S: this joke was from my aunt

WOW!!!

This happened to me when I'm still in matriculation centre. I have to take an English class as one of the requirement subjects.

One day, a new lecturer from Britain gave us assignment on favorites past times and cultures of Malaysian. He divided us into groups and each group has to explain the cultures of each chosen states in Malaysia. My group was about cultures and past times of Kelantan.We chose "Wau" as one of favorite past times of Kelantan. The lecturer asked us what is "Wau" and the origin of "Wau".

One of my group members got up and confidently said: " Wau" is a kind of big kite that was played by the villagers. They named it "Wau" because it is huge and so..."WOW!!!"

Sekali lagi?

Ahmad work as a driver of a company. He has to take the company's guest for tour in Malaysia. The guest was from Britain and was eager to learn Bahasa Melayu, so everytime they went somewhere, Ahmad will teach him a word.

One day, while sight-seeing in Kuala Lumpur, Ahmad suddenly farted. The guest asked in Malay, "Apa itu?" (What's that?)

Ahmad: Bunyi kentut

The guest was confused as he didn't heard what Ahmad was saying, so he said,"Sekali lagi?"(Pardon?)

Ahmad struggled for a while then," Surrender tuan, cannot kentut sekali lagi..."(Surrender, cannot fart again)

Hotel Lobby

Hisyam had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a wayside hotel in the evening, and because he was afraid that the kitchen might close soon, left his bags at the front desk and went immediately to the dining area to order something to eat.

After a satisfied meal, he went to the front desk to reclaim his luggage and take his room keys. But he forgot his room number and told the clerk on duty," My name is Hisyam. Can you please tell me what room I am in?"

"Sure!" replied the clerk. "You are at our lobby!"

Eyesight

Anne: I'm worried about my kids eyesight.

Diana: Why do you say that? They look fine to me.

Anne: Well, my daughter can't find something to wear in the closet full of clothes, and my son could not find anything to eat in the fridge full with foods.

Hii DARLING

Samantha just got a job as a secretary in a big office in Kuala Lumpur. One day, the CEO pays a visit to spy the workers in the office.

Noticing Samantha, he asked: Are you new around here?

Samantha: Yes

CEO: Are you a Lim, Kee, Peter or what?

Samantha: Pardon me?

CEO: Here, I don't call the staff by their first name and I don't familiarise myself with it. So, are you a Lim, Peter or what?

Samantha smiled,and said: It's Darling, Samantha Darling..

CEO: Well Samantha, as I was saying.....

How to scare a man

Which of the following would do a better job scaring a man?

1. Go away, or I will call the police
2. I love you and I want to marry you and have your children...
   

Pretty Ugly

Ana: Do I look pretty or ugly?

Zana: I think, a bit of both. You are Pretty Ugly...

Windows

Auntie Mei went to a curtain shop where she is approached by a salesgirl.

Salesgirl: Can I help you, madam?
Auntie Mei: Yes, I would like to buy a pink curtain for my computer, the size of the computer screen.

The salesgirl was a little confused and said," but, the computer doesn't need a curtain."

Auntie Mei: Yooo Hooo, It has WINDOWS....

Laughter Trivia

Did you know that a child laughs over 100 times a day, while an adult laughs only 15 times a day??? What a shame, since laughter feels so good and is so good for everyone! There are many benefits of laughter to our mind and spirit. A good laugh can also help us physically as well. In fact, medical studies have shown that laughter aids breathing by disrupting the normal respiration pattern and increasing breathing rate. It can even help clear mucus from lungs. Laughter is also said to be good for the heart. It increases circulation and improves the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to tissues throughout the body. In addition, a good laugh helps the immune system fight off colds, flu and sinus problems by increasing the concentration of immunoglobulin "A" in your saliva. It is said that it may even help control pain by raising the levels of certain brain chemicals (endorphins). And most of all, laughter acts as a natural stress reliever. Have you ever laughed so hard that you doubled over, fell off your chair, spat out your food or wet your pants-or as Malaysians would say,"laugh until stomach ache"? This is because you cannot maintain muscle tension when you are laughing!

Well, you are definitely allowed more than 15 laughs a day, so go ahead and double the dose and make it 30 times today (you may even begin to notice your relationships improving)! Then, double it again! You are bound to feel better and cope with problems more effectively. Not only that, people will enjoy your company!

LAUGHTER - it's indeed good medicine. It's completely organic. It can be shared. It is recyclable, and what's more, it's absolutely F.R.E.E.!!!